Naked Heat: A Horror Story

Being from Texas, you would think that hot weather doesn't bother me. . . You would be wrong. My years of living in Utah have made me a pansy. I hate being hot, especially at home. So when our swamp cooler boke in the middle of July I was about ready to fill my bathtub with ice and slip into a hypothermic oblivion while blasting "Hace Calor" on the stereo (the Sesame Street version of course). But, before I could enact my arctic plan, my little brother came into town for volleyball camp. He of course wanted to stay at our house so I had to settle for an ice cold shower instead.

Here is where the horror story begins. After getting out of my frigidly refreshly shower, I noted how much cooler it was in my house without clothes on. Then, forgetting that my brother was outside getting his bags out of his jeep, I decided to sit on the couch and relish the moment of cool. . .

Upon re-enterin my house, at first my brother was like:

 

 

But then he was like:

 

And then he just went back outside, got in his jeep and was like:

 

 

Scarred for life. If you know my little brother PLEASE don't mention this blog post to him. It will only make his emotional trauma worse.

 



The Great American Bison

When I was a kid I thought my Dad was a government spy. I also thought that he was 19 years old. I was positive that he had never told a lie in his entire life (which is why I still won't eat broccoli becasue it will make little trees grow out of my ears). And I was pretty sure he knew the names of everyone in the world, because he always knew what to call them when they we driving poorly. "Get out of the way Joe!" "C'mon Suzzy! Use your blinker!"

Above and beyond anything else that I knew about my father, I knew that his favorite animal was a buffalo. Occasionaly as a child my whole family would pile into our 9 passenger van and we would drive for days and days (Texas to Wyoming) for the sole purpose of seeing some buffalo. When we finally arrived at the buffalo we would park the van and wait while my Dad and Devin counted the buffalo. They kept a tally of all the animals we had seen on the trip, from ground squirels to deer, and the vacation wasn't over untill we had seen more buffalo than all the other animals combine. We stopped for EVERY buffalo, even if it was dead... especially if it was dead.

Somehow, I have managed to look back on those family vaccations with a inexplicable amount  of nostalgia. So when Mark suggested we go to Yellowstone I was all in. We went with our friends Dan and Jacquie Bergquist. Here's a chronicle of our journey.

May 26th:
We arrived in Yellowstone today. It was snowing despite being May. Ten seconds after arriving at the park Mark had to pee, so we pulled off the main road, but he decided to hold it when we discovered that we had company.

That's 6 buffalo for our tally and we've only been here for 60 seconds! Dad would be so proud. Then, I taunted a buffalo: (in case you can't tell I'm holding a bag of beef jerky)

Then I lost count of all the buffalo:

We saw buffalo in the mist:

After some geysers and things not involving buffalo, the highlight of the day came. To understand my excitement about this you need to have familiarized yourself with "The Guy on the Buffalo" a classic you-tube musical. If you have not watched this you are FORBIDDEN from continuing this blog post and I  have graciously provided you with a link to it's glory: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=v5Lmkm5EF5E

Awesome right? So now that you've watched "The Guy on a Buffalo" you'll understand why this was the highlight of my trip. We were walking in West Yellowstone when we happened upon a shop with a bunch of taxidermy animals, western attire, and a sweet old lady with a camera. 

That is right ladies and gents, I am riding on a buffalo! I dun pa proud. 

We're not ready for kids

I already wrote this blog post and I thought I published it but someone informed me that it somehow disappeared like socks in the laundry. So I'm re-writing it. Now the details aren't exactly fresh in my memory but here's what I recall.

It was a hot day in March. Mark and I we super excited to go to the festival of colors in Provo. If you've never been to the Holi Festival in Provo, Here's what you need to know: 500 Mormons, 25 Hindu's

In our fresh white shirts, ready for fun, Mark and I, as well as my cousin Sara and her hubby Tyler, drove to the Hari Krishna temple in Spanish Fork... well we tried. The closest parking was like 10 miles away from the temple (this number might be exaggerated slightly by my memory but it's not likely; I mean 500 Mormons right?). So we had to walk, and walk and walk; like the pioneer children only we were walking toward a Hindu temple not a LDS one. Blasphemy?

When we finally arrived my flat feet were grumpy. Regardless, we bought colored chalk and waited for the party to begin. I was walking across the plaza when this malicious, little punk kid (no older than 10) comes out of nowhere and hits the bottom of my chalk bag, making colored dust fly into my face and up my unprepared nose. I'm not exactly known for my patience and mild temper, and even on a good day I would have yelled at the kid. But, the chalk that I inhaled must have been blocking my brain cells from communicating with the "appropriate reactions" part of my brain so my grumpy feet took over the thinking and decided to elbow the kid in the face... hard. The following is not an inaccurate representation of what it may have looked like:





He cried, I felt a mild twinge of guilt, but the little punk deserved it. This is why we are not ready for kids.

On the brighter side, here's a fun photo we took:

Valentines Menu: Dog

In 2012 Mark and I had plans to buy a puppy, but not just any puppy, a Vizsla! Vizsla's are awesome, they don't bark a lot, they don't shed a lot, and most importantly, they don't smell!

Unfortunately Vizslas cost around $1000. So we started saving. In February we had the $200 deposit saved up and there was a liter on its way with our closest breeder. We were finally ready to order our dog, that is until Valentines Day.

V-day 2012 was supposed to be low key. I worked late and wasn't expecting much. I came home to a candle lit foot massage and some strawberries and cream, but I was still hungry, so I suggested that we go to one of my favorite restaurants here in Provo, Communal.

When we arrived at Communal, the waitress asked if we had a reservation. We said no and despite the fact that the restaurant was half empty, she made a big to-do about trying to find us a table. She finally offered us a spot at the bar. Everyone in the restaurant was staring at us with their judgmental eyes so I was eager to sit down. When the waitress brought us a menu, she informed us that they had a set menu that day. I was aware of how expensive a set menu can be but Mark had no idea, so he just told her that that would be fine. As I looked over the menu I was looking for a way out of the restaurant while still saving my pride, after all the entire restaurant was still staring at us with their judgmental eyes. Luckily the menu had shrimp on it. I turned to Mark and said, in a voice loud enough for the waitress to hear, "Oh no, they are serving shrimp, we better go somewhere else cause I'm allergic" he did not pick up on my hint and said, in an equally loud voice, "That's okay, we just won't get the shrimp."

*Sigh* resigned to my fate I decided that paying for the meal was worth saving my pride. I assumed that the meal would cost around 60 or 70 bucks, and since it was Valentines Day it would be worth it... I was so wrong. When the check came Mark did his best to hide his surprise, but his bug eyes were my first hint that things were not as I had hoped. I discretely pried the bill from his vice grip and my heart dropped. $140... we don't HAVE $140!

Of course, we ended up having to spend the money we had saved for the deposit on our Vizsla to pay for our bill. And that is the story of how we ate our dog for Valentines Day.

Previously on...

It's been a long time, so I don't blame you if you've forgotten, but the reason I started this blog was for a class. The reason I abruptly stopped blogging is because I got an A on the assignment. Once the semester ended my overworked brain had effectively liquified and I had a hard time trying to seperate wit and humor from the mush that was once my mind. Have you ever seen the TV show "Bones?" Think of Doctor Hodgins with a strainer going through some bodily goop trying to find particulates... Thats what I've been doing. But I'm back and eager to catch up.

I love watching shows like Prison Break and Lost. But I hate watching the "previously ons." You know the part that says "Previously, on Lost, John Locke was a creeper who screwed everything up but Jack saved the day . . . again." Mark, however, LOVES the previously ons he likes to make sure he knows what happened before he moves on. Well, to catch you up on the last year, here's the "Previously on" for my life:

Previously, on Something Like Love:

Mark and I had a one year Anniversary! We decided to do this awesome photo shoot with our birds, Darwin and Stella. Things were great, until Darwin found a way out of the cage and flew the coop. Poor Stella was heart broken so we quickly bought her a new boy friend named Leland.

We went on a fishing trip with Syler!

We  moved into a bigger house, I love it! It has a big yard so we got a dog. He was a German Shephard  named Carlos, (no we did not name him) we had him for 3 days before he destroyed our house and went back to his previous owners.

4-wheeling trips with the fam,

We made our own grape juice,

Our new house has a big tree in the front yard and we would hang our birds out in the tree so that they could enjoy the summer weather, but then some little punk kid came by and thought it would be fun to beat their cage with a bat like a pinata . . .  Leland and Stella died and I cried A LOT. :(

 My birthday this year was on 11/11/11. I hosted a huge 1920's themed party. Justin was my bartender and Byrin was my craps dealer. We had fun taking photos, fake gambling and drinking mocktails!

Mark and I went on a canoeing trip with my fam.

We went to Texas for Christmas. We had so much fun staying with Mark's brother Todd and his wife Rachael and their cute little boys!

Now that I've caught you up 2011, we can now return to our featured program.

Something Like True Love

Finding the person you want to spend the rest of your life with feels like coming home after a long vacation. Maybe you were searching for something, maybe you weren’t, but either way you found it and it’s the most comfortable feeling I know.

I started this blog for a class. I figured I’d write about the only thing I know: life. I have now completed the required amount of pages and I don’t know how much longer this blog will survive. But I do know this, mine and Mark’s one year anniversary is coming up, and weather I write about this next year or not we will still have adventures. Mark will still say funny things that make me laugh. And we will still have our odd relationship, which I like to think is Something Like Love.

P.S. I better get an A+ on this.